The Apple (USA, 1980) 92 min color DIR-SCR: Menahem Golan. PROD: Yoram Globus, Menahem Golan. MUSIC: George Clinton (score); Coby Recht, Iris Recht (songs). DOP: David Gurfinkel. CAST: Catherine Mary Stewart, Allan Love, Grace Kennedy, George Gilmour, Joss Ackland. (Cannon Films; MGM)
To the delight of many bad-movie aficionados, this hulking mess has finally been released to DVD, after long being out of print on good old VHS. How bad? Well, it makes Can’t Stop the Music look like Singing in the Rain. Regardless, this futuristic disco musical is a testament of the excessive times in which it was made. Since everything is thrown into the narrative, whether or not any of it all holds together, this deranged anti-masterpiece emerges as a parable on consumerism with liberal doses of Faust, George Orwell and religion (!) added to the mix. The story opens in a music contest which is devised by the BIM corporation, which of course is rigged so that this sucky pop group will win. Throughout their synthy wankery, the audience is shouting “B-I-M!” (In the “Me” generation, this can also be read as: “Be! I! Am!”)
However, the applause-o-meter also rates high for the wispy folk song by the duet of Alphie and Bibi. Thus, in true capitalist fashion, the head of the BIM corporation decides to buy out the competition! The film becomes a Rocky Horror Picture Show with the two wimpy people being seduced by all kinds of debauchery, held court by a cartoonish character who is sexually ambiguous. Bibi (Catherine Mary Stewart, in her film debut) of course is smitten by all the glitz and glamour, but Alphie (George Gilmour) smells a rat, and plots to overthrow the evil empire and win back his sweetheart. He hangs around the park a lot, hiding out from the police, because he doesn’t wear this silly decal which indicates he is part of the BIM world domination league.
Regardless of the busy plot, The Apple is actually excruciating to watch. The 90 minutes feel like hours. And despite how original the narrative may seem, there are still flagrant clichés, such as the effeminate African American male, and the doting Jewish motherly type. Although the film takes place in the far-flung future of 1994, the production values actually aren’t that bad, considering this is a Cannon picture (directed by Menahem Golan, one of its two execs). Even so, true to form, the premise is foiled by numerous thuddingly slow two-or-three character scenes which look like they were filmed for a buck ninety-eight.
All said and done, the music for this abomination is actually quite decent. Who would have thought? I especially like the disco number “Coming”, as one of the BIM seductresses attempts to woo Alphie. I have to find the album!
Originally published in Vol. #1, Issue #16.
Greg Woods
Greg Woods has been a film enthusiast since his teens, and began his writing "career" at the same time- prolific in capsule reviews of everything he had watched, first on index cards, then those hardcover dollar store black journals, then an old Mac IIsi. He founded The Eclectic Screening Room in 2001, as a portal to share his film love with the world, and find some like-minded enthusiasts along the way. In addition to having worked in the film industry for over two decades, he has been a co-programmer of films at Trash Palace, and a programmer/co-founder of the Toronto Film Noir Syndicate. He has also written for Broken Pencil, CU-Confidential, Micro-Film, and is currently working on his first novel. His secret desire is for someone to interview him for a podcast or a DVD extra.